I knew it.
I knew that standing so high up has its certain risk and difficulties.
And so does it have obstacles.

Maybe I'm not in the cut of such post.
Taking the role of leadership.
Or should I say a leader of leaders.
In the first place I wasn't leading any leaders.
I'm just leading people into confusion.
Because I'm in one as well.

Its the first time I've encountered such things.
It was the first series of performances in my hand.
I just didn't want to screw things up.
All I want was to make sure that things were perfect.
Till the extent that I neglected everything else.
but all i wanted is to see things running properly....

It was just my luck.
I Tried to fling off the flu bug that caught me in the morning.
Doesn't seem to work.
Instead, it brought me to a high stress level.
Handling practical, msgs and a whole lot of sneezing altogether was tiring.

Tried to pass it on to someone, but didn't work out and I'm on my own again.
Should have approached another one. but time was ticking to screwing things up.
Working on your own and with the belief of not wanting things to screw up became a weapon. A weapon of fear. That was when I was completely lost.

And When I was saved, I was thinking, why the heck didn't I think of it earlier.
I completely ignored the rule that i did set out.
If there is no one, might as well cancel it.
I was just too obsessed to see other paths out. Fearing that nobody turns up for it, screwing up other performances. I was preventing that. But I didn't think that I was on the verge of screwing up for them by not telling others we don't have performers.
How selfish I was.

It was quite a lesson. Things started to go wrong when the information was inaccurate. I've to remind myself to get the accurate information from the right person. Never take up a performance unless we get the full details. And never give out wrong info if not a lot of thing may happen. I found the technical glitch as to why I didn't receive the msg earlier than this Tuesday.
Aunty Florence sent an MMS, which is why i didn't receive the vital msg on monday right after I asked.

Coincidence? I think its more like concurrent events. It takes just one error to lead to another. I learnt it just a few days ago when some steak order went wrong. And so I saw the big picture. After analysing the mistakes, I find there wasn't a point carrying on pointing whos at fault cause its over. What we can do is salvage the future and ensure something like that won't happen again. I;m just too used to working alone. Must change......




This was the first setback.
And as I'm typing I received news that our previous leaders are stepping in.
It sounded aggressive when issac sent in the "little brief" about the urgent meeting.
The second one cleared the doubts after asking further...

What we are generally doing.
I can tell. I'm doing things on my own. Others don't care what is happening around.
All busy with their stuff, only when someone starts to prod, then something is done.
When something is wrong, I didn't raise out the issue.
I was doing things on my own. My fault.
Only when trouble arises, committee steps in. a bit too late.
I believe that covers most of the things they wanna say on Sunday.
In short, committee no initiative, too independent(for me).

And oh one more thing, we draw the lines too distinctively. A president does president's job. Logistics has nth to do, means logistics can take a day off. I can tell that the new comm has drawn the line BETTER than the previous one. Probably this coming Sunday will be the time to re-address this issue.

Imagine thinking till the extent of giving up an important post regardless of anything. My mind opened after the hot shower. Maybe its my flu. And maybe its coming back again. Need to study for tml test.